The Power of Adoration

I just returned home after a long weekend away with my mom and two little ones to visit my 93-year-old grandmother. She’s doing ok, but then again, not really. For the months leading up to this weekend, I would get reports about the ways Grandma was changing. How she said things that were a little “off” sometimes. And the repeated falls that often put her in the hospital. And her pain. I knew it was time for a visit.

I’m close to my Grandma in a way that’s weird. We’re not close based on the amount of time we’ve spent together, because it hasn’t been that much, when you look across the whole of it. And we’re not close because I’ve put in the effort I should to strengthen the relationship. Because I regrettebly haven’t. No. We’re close because Grandma is one of those people who makes you feel loved.

And this weekend, as we went to her care facility to visit her each day, I watched the way she interacted with each of her daughters, her granddaughters, her great-grandchildren, her friends from church - with absolute adoration. But I guess that’s sort of expected - you’re supposed to love your family and friends, right? The thing that struck me the most was the way she adored the people who were paid to take care of her. Now granted, this place was magically filled with kind and attentive staff, so it was easy to like them. But she didn’t just like them. She adored them. She wasn’t just excited to introduce her granddaughter to the nurse that visits her nightly. She was excited to introduce the nurse who visits her nightly to her granddaughter. And then after the nurse left, she would always share a little nugget about how wonderful she was. Or something about her life that was special. And in turn, the nurses adore her.

And so unlike many other elderly residents, my grandma is actually glad to be there in this care facility. Even if the food is shitty. And even if that damned lady down the hall keeps stealing her vase. She’s glad to be there because she’s surrounded by those who reflect her own love and adoration right back to her.

This weekend made me think about things that are unpleasant to think about. I thought about getting old. About how my body will someday stop cooperating. How I may someday need help with the most basic and personal of self-care activities. How I will lose power over many of the things I hold so dearly today.

And this weekend made me think about what matters to me. Really. That I always have a choice in how I spend my time, even when it seems like I don’t. I always have an opportunity to choose to love those that matter to me. (And strangers too, for that matter!)

Ultimately, when I am one day left with very little control over my body and my life, one thing that I will still be able to control is how I make other people feel. How I look at them. How I respond to them. The way I give my attention. These things seems so small, but they are like dropping tiny pebbles into a pond as the effects ripple out again and again. And I can choose to live this way anytime. It’s all up to me. It will always be up to me.

I started my visit feeling sad because of all of that my grandma has had to give up in the last few years. Yet I flew across the country with two small children just to return the love she’s so steadfastly given to me when she needs it most. I’d say that’s a pretty damned powerful woman.