A Dying Flame Can Still Cause a Forest Fire

When I first graduated from AltMBA, I was invited to join a writing accountability group. I had learned over those 5 long weeks that there was something magical for me in writing which I had never understood before – in fact if you’d have asked me before I started, I’d have told you I hated writing. Somehow, when I began typing, my ideas, which had been previously jumbled and confusing, took shape. And I began to better understand me. I knew I needed to take hold of the post-AltMBA momentum and jump in, lest I “get busy” and fizzle out after the high wore off. So on February 25, 2018, I started my blog. And I really had no idea what I was even going to write about, but I trusted the magic would come. Some call it, “the genius," but that seems a bit overstated in this case.

And so week after week, I wrote. And my friends wrote. And they inspired me to keep going. We cheered each other on and asked hard questions of one another. We pointed out the growth we saw in one another’s writing and we shared our differences and commonalities. I didn’t want to miss a week…even if I had no idea what I was going to write when I sat down and started typing. (Kind of like right now) I just started. Sometimes it was crappy, but other times I was pretty proud of what I wrote. I was doing it. I loved this special little space in my life that we'd built, all on our own. It was one of the most beautiful and frustrating parts of every single week.

But then, after a few months, I noticed our writers were dwindling. I started feeling a bit sheepish about posting each week in the group...like I was being annoying with my incessant chatter. And I was sad to be losing something that had been so wonderful. I even wrote a post where I said I was going to take a break from the group for awhile since it seemed like we all needed one. But before I posted, I deleted it. I decided it would be OK even if it ended up getting down to just me (It never did, thankfully!). I started my blog by saying this writing wasn’t for anyone else but me. If that was the truth, then I had better keep going. It's always easiest to break the promises I make to myself. Here was a chance for me to change that habit. I am a writer now. And writers write.

And do you know what was kind of fun? The writers came back. Slowly, one by one, they started popping back in with a post here and there in the most organic and natural way. Sharing their feedback again and posting and building the energy in the group. One of my fellow writers suggested we reach out to the larger alumni group to recruit even more writers to capture this renewed energy. We were betting there would be others looking for a way to maintain the spark they’d discovered in themselves. And it's happening.

And so today, we post our first Thursday post as an expanded and re-energized group. And it’s not just new writers...nearly everyone from our original group is back and engaged and excited for this new push of accountability. And, you guys, I'm SO delighted, for so many reasons...

• Because it means more connection with more of you
• Because it means more people shipping and growing through writing
• Because it means more perspectives and differing ideas
• Because I can't WAIT to see what we create

But also, because it's a reminder that as long as there's a tiny spark, with enough effort, you can fan that baby back into a full-on flame. It's so easy to feel defeated when something is fizzling or the fun part just isn't there anymore. It's that damned Dip. I'm learning again and again that when you invest energy and enthusiasm and LOVE and invite other caring and enthusiastic people into your circle, some pretty beautiful things can happen.

And also...shit happens. That's real. And people get busy and depressed and overwhelmed and have true actual crises and it can sabotage those beautiful ideals for how it "should" be.  I find that when this happens, I lose faith in myself and my ability to follow through with anyTHING. Then comes the shame and self-loathing thing. In this group, I hope you will know that we'll always leave the porch light on for you when you're ready to return. You get to start over anytime. We'll still be here writing and can't wait to read your next post. <3

(Dear @Java friends, I can't thank you enough for helping me to become a writer.)