My Goals are Just an Illusion
"I believe...I believe...it's silly, but I believe..."
Those were the words Natalie Wood's character, Susan, chanted to herself as she half-heartedly tried to convince herself that Santa Claus was real in Miracle on 34th Street. And man, do I get her.
For me, I'm trying to convince myself to believe my goals can really, truly be achieved. The worst part is, I'm a total goals person. (When it comes to other people's goals). My life as a teacher was all about setting learning goals for my students and guiding them to achieving them. My life as a consultant is all all about helping my clients set goals and then helping them to implement a plan to get them there. So what is it about my own current goals that seem so unrealistic?
It hasn't always been this way. I recall a feeling of "sure-ness" when I signed up for my first high school class and when I started out on my very first marathon training run. Those endpoints were just obviously going to happen. These current ones...not so much. I have revenue goals for my business, personal goals for my health and well-being, and even goals for travel. None of which are outlandish in the least. But, generally speaking, I'm a skeptic.
But today as I was talking to a friend, I was briefly able to imagine myself in my ideal future state with my business. In that moment, I genuinely believed that it could happen...for the first time. I felt joyful and relieved and powerful all at once. I even got a bit choked up. But once my usual doubts started creeping back in, I was left with what I can only describe as a hope hangover. The vision that was so deliciously real is now gone again. It sucks.
What if we all believed our deepest goals would come true? Like, truly-deep-down-in-our-souls believed them. And if we don't really believe they're going to happen, why do we bother making goals in the first place?
An even better question is, How do we start believing and then stay believing?
I am the Planner without a Plan
As I've had some time to think about it, I suspect the times when I believed I would reach my goals came down to having a good plan. For high school, it was:
- Sign up for 9th grade required courses
- Complete assignments and tests, as required
- Sign up for 10th grade required courses
- Complete assignments and tests, as required
- Sign up for 11th grade required courses
- Complete assignments and tests, as required
- Sign up for 12th grade required courses
- Complete assignments and tests, as required
The plan was clear to me from the start and even though I didn't possess the necessary skills to pass Pre-Calculus on my first day of high school, I knew that if I followed the plan, I'd get there. I trusted it because many others like me had gone before me and had done just fine.
It was the same with the marathon training. That plan went like:
- Find a marathon training plan for beginners
- Get a fancy watch that measures distance/pace
- Show up for the training runs, as prescribed by the plan
- Run the marathon
I knew that others with the same or lesser levels of physical fitness had done this before using a similar plan, so I knew I could too. I just needed to show up. The plan was tested and clear.
A Clear and Tested Plan
- Clear means the plan can be broken down into sequential, logical steps.
- Tested means the plan has been followed successfully by others before you.
Both of them can be problematic. Often, we avoid making a clear plan because writing down the specific steps and deadlines to getting to our goal puts us on the hook. But the "tested" part seems to be the real stinker, because much of our most important work won't have a plan that's been tested. We're breaking new ground and planning to do something wonderful that no one's ever done before. It requires bravery to undertake an untested plan and when you're not feeling particularly brave, it's easy to let yourself off the hook by telling yourself it'll never happen.
I think this is when it's time to ask for help. While it's true that these extra-meaningful goals may not have a perfect recipe out there, there are others who have done similar things before you. If you find the right guides and mentors, they can help you make your plan. Their confidence and experience may just give you that glimmer of hope you need when your dreams begin to look impossible. And that hope is the fuel that makes goals happen.